Probability Curves

Although I have excellent psychic ability, at some point, I thought I might apply it to card readings. I’m what you might call metaphysicist, as I like to apply scientific knowledge to the paranormal equation. Thus, tarot was an ideal experiment in reading local causality as translated from the various symbologies the cards turned up. I began with ordinary playing cards to get the feel of it, progressing to different tarot decks with different layouts. Although my readings were accurate they seemed too limited to the number of variables these decks could produce. Then a friend from Berlin introduced me to Thoth deck designed by Lady Frieda Harris of the OTO. Indeed their complex symbologies provided a whole multitude of aspects in a single reading. Once I got the feel these, I would do readings for friends or entertain the muse at parties, nothing I ever accepted money for, rather, for me the learning experience was my reward.

In 1986 I flew back to Fort Erie as the word was my Gran was dying. In fact, while I was there she paid me a visit in my sleep and we exchanged our farewells. The wake at my uncle Ray’s place afterwords turned into one hell of a bash, so my aunt told me to get my cards, and dragged me down to the rec room where she had gathered all her woman friends. They were all so keen I didn’t know for the life of me where to start..until one particular woman piped up with “do mine” and the room suddenly went quiet. As I thought “oh, what’s this all about then”, my aunt intervened with “yes, do hers”. I looked around the room to see what the rest had to say to this, but they agreed with the most curious grins plastered across their faces. Needless to say, when I laid out the cards, the reason was plain to see. I tried to be discreet in divulging what I saw, then took my aunt aside to remark, “lemme guess, she’s the neighbourhood nymphomaniac, right?” My aunt grinned from ear to ear as she snickered “you betcha, and you have no idea how much you read there is just so damn true in every detail”. Heh, I’m sure my gran was smiling too, as she was a well versed master of divination herself, so I guess I was actually keeping with tradition that night.

All went well with this venture until years later I gave a demo to a new acquaintance who was aspiring to be a professional fortune teller. I could sense rivalry there, so I kept it simple. She wanted to form a coven, but I have a real aversion to the popular esoterica being sold in the women’s section of bookshops, if you know what I mean. Not only that, but her and her entourage of women friends were all divorcees who put too much faith in the institution of marriage to make up for poor judgement- hence witchcraft for a vengeance over men. Erm, thanks but no thanks. Still she persisted, pitching up at odd times to put me to the test, so I played lame, and she soon lost interest. Then months later one of her (by this time) ex-friends pitched up with a whole epic on the evil this woman allegedly brought into her life. As far as I was concerned these were just further examples of poor judgement, as I am by no means superstitious, let alone god-fearing- rather it always takes two to tango into the no-zone of stupid mistakes. I tried to explain these things to her, but some people only hear what they want to hear. She offered to read my cards and as they involved an old gypsy tarot yet unfamiliar to me I obliged, offering a reading from my thoth deck in exchange. Unfortunately the reading she gave made little sense, nor did it enlighten me to the workings of it much. The reading I did for her however, turned out to be a bombshell. She had been living with her common law mate 6 years, trying to restore their house from the 1750s to its former glory, but this was going nowhere. His promise of marriage, as it turned out, was not to her, but a young blond floozie expecting his child. I was barely able to conclude the reading, when she shot out the door like a bolt. She phoned me later, to confirm she found the shocking evidence at a friend’s printshop, namely the invitations to his wedding with this mystery woman. She had introduced me to this guy before, so its not like I didn’t have my suspicions- rather, what confounded me was how she could let herself be exploited by the jerk so long, because its not as if these affairs hadn’t been ongoing. Mind you, she was just as duplistic and inclined to favour others of this nature of wanton friendship. In essense, they were all their own worst enemies living in a dream of the rebellious youth they never had through early marriage. Again, no matter how I tried to distance myself she kept trying to crash into my life with her dubious schemes to draw me into her crowd. Naturally, when it finally dawned on her that I wasn’t buying it, she began to see me as her nemesis, responsible for whatever turns of alleged bad karma in her life. As was her usual retaliation on such premises, she conspired to abusively crash in on me with her friends. Unfortunately for her, I can smell this sort of thing in making from miles away, so I threw a psychic wrench into it. Needless to say, they were heading up the A5 to my house when the engine dropped onto the highway. No injuries, but the comedy of errors that ensued were bizarre enough, that I received a perplexed call from her mobile. Much of what she said was at best incoherent, but when she finally stopped for breath, I responded with “heh, what were you expecting? It’s not like I don’t know what you’re up to.” Needless to say, that was the last I heard from her- and by all accounts she left the region soon thereafter, abandoning all ties with these friends. As for tarot readings, there were just too many fools expecting it to compensate their lack of responsible judgement- so I wrapped up all my cards and stashed them away where I have suitably forgotten their whereabouts.